Zombie "Toys"

Okay, look. I love zombies. Anyone who even remotely knows anything about me me knows I heart all things zombie. Except that thing over there. This is a bit much, even for me. Seriously.

A zombie dildo. Who thinks this stuff up? Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that it's available in a five-color design in a variety of base colors, but you've got to have something a little wrong if you like to get off to a ripped-skin and pustule-covered dildo. (You're even more sick if you like this one.)

And the zombie dildo is $245.00 a pop, which means that it better get up and make me breakfast in the morning. There is, however, a more reasonably priced one-color version available for only $150.00. One in Skank Pink, please!

Actually, maybe I'll go for this one instead. It sparkles. I'm on Team Edward, don't you know.

Zombie Tattoos

I want a new tattoo. Putting aside for a moment that my husband says he'll leave me if I do (he's threatened after each of my previous ones), the question becomes what to get? I've already got tattoos representing three of my most favorite things ever: Star Trek, theatre, and New Orleans. Where do you go from there?

Zombies.

Cute and cuddly zombies like this one to the left, or just plain freaky like this one? Probably cute and cuddly, although neither are going to look that great when you're in the nursing home, but whatever.

Once you've decided on the tattoo, the question then becomes where do you get it? I've always had this feeling that my left side is my "bad" side. Not in a taking pictures kind of way; in a evil way. (It's one of my quirks, like not wanting crunchy foods and soft foods to mingle, i.e. tuna and celery.) Because of this, four of my six tattoos are on the left side of my body. The one that is on my right was surprisingly difficult to reconcile, but I worked through it. Should I continue with the left theme, or start on the canvas that is my right side?

Oh, who am I kidding? Zombies, schmombies. If anything I'll get a tattoo of a vintage Fiestaware coffee pot in cobalt like my grandmother had. Dishes. Another obsession.

Ooooh! A zombie dish tattoo....

Zombie Survival: Up or Down?

The zombies are coming. Your fight or flight response has told you to get your ass out of there, but which way do you go when faced with a zombie horde: up or down? As seen in virtually every horror movie ever made, you go up.

It's a natural response, really. If you're being chased by a rabid wombat and your choice for getting safely out of its reach is either a hole or a tree, let's face it. You're climbing the tree. Jump into that hole and the wombat is coming after you trying to crush your skull with its hind legs to get at the yummy goodness of your brain. (No really, they do.)

It's the same thing with zombies. You're in your living room enjoying a movie, a beer and a bon bon when the apocalypse happens and you've been caught with your pants down. You never got around to blocking the windows. You can't even get to the kitchen to get a rolling pin. Basement or second floor, you ask yourself. The stairs will trip them up for a minute or two buying you some precious time to formulate your escape plan. Going to the basement will put you in a corner with no chance of escape at all.

There isn't a choice; you go upstairs.

But then what? You never got that rifle you meant to get, your gardening tools are in the basement, and the only bat you can find is of the whiffle variety you kept as a souvenir from that wild pool party last year. You look out the window to see if there's a chance to escape the house. Nope. The entire neighborhood is crawling with zombies. You've only just prolonged the inevitable and wonder if you should have gone to the basement instead.

The basement has your tools and some staples you stocked up on from Costco. Sure, you may be able to barricade the door, but once you're down there you're stuck for the duration, and you can't last long on 25lbs of flour and a gallon of mustard.

There's no sense of debating it. You're screwed. No matter which way you go, you're going to get cornered and eaten.

Sorry, Charlie.

Zombies/Star Trek Mash-Up

I got the most awesome book last night from an awesome couple: "Night of the living Trekkies." The back cover says it's about a Trek convention where a zombie virus breaks out and the survivors are "dressed in homemade costumes and armed with prop phasers....how long can they last in the ultimate no-win scenario?" (Insert Kobayashi Maru reference here while eating an apple.)

Can I just say how much I love zombies and TOS Star Trek? Seriously. The only way this book could make me squee any more than I already am would be to add an element of Fiestaware to it somehow. Maybe the survivors come across an abandoned cashe of Fiestaware and use it like the records were in "Shaun of the Dead."

*LOVE*

Do-Over

Let's try this again, shall we? I started this thing in 2006 and did several postings - which I've now deleted, hence the do-over - and then stopped. Maybe I'll try this again. It was going to be a writer's blog. Then it was going to be a random shit blog. Now, I think maybe a mom's blog. Or a little bit of all of it. Who knows where this thing is going to go. I do know that the most successful blogs stick to a theme whether it be about tablescapes, nail polish, politics or cooking. What is my expertise? What can I blog about for days on end?